What Are Your Best Man Duties?

The Best Man: Planning the Bachelor Party

This can be one of the most difficult parts of being the best man, or it can be the best. You want to make sure everybody has a great time, but you don't want anybody getting themselves in trouble. How do you walk the perfect line of creating a great bachelor party memory for the groom?

1. Talk to the groomsmen. The cost of the evening will be evenly split amongst them. Have an open dialog with everybody but the groom to see what dollar amount you'll be working with. If somebody can't match the others, you can probably give him a pass (or one of you may make up the difference).

2. Choose the guest list. It's not just the groomsmen. It's family and friends of the bride and groom, as well (but only their nearest and dearest). Ask the groom who he can't imagine having the party without, and who his bride-to-be wants included. He has the final say as to their inclusion, though.

3. Don't listen to the guys who want lots of alcohol and naked chicksThis isn't the 1950's. He's not saying goodbye to his freedom. He's walking the same path, but he won't be alone anymore. So unless the entire party agrees that happiness comes in naked female form, don't go there.

4. Think outside the box. Once you realize that wine, women and song don't have to be the theme of the evening, you can start brainstorming what would truly be fun. When is the last time any of you went bowling, or shot some hoops? Once you stop telling yourself that there are only certain activities that happen at a bachelor's party, it can be whatever kind of fun you make.

5. If alcohol is going to be involved,find a designated driver. This can be a member of the party who doesn't drink anyway, or you can charter a vehicle for the night that will pick everybody up at a specified location, and get them home again safely.

6. Consider staying in. The party could be as simple as heading to one person's house and playing poker, smoking cigars, listening to music and shooting the bull. Just as long as people have either a place to crash or a sober taxi, this is a great idea.

If you decide drinking is going to be part of the evening, make sure dinner happens first. You can either grill or order in at somebody's house to save money, or go out. Just make sure food is involved, one way or the other. Make it the groom's 'last meal'. If you don't know what all his favorites are, ask his bride-to-be. She'll know.

No matter what you all decide, don't forget to honor the groom. This is his night, so make a toast to him. Good-natured ribbing is fine, but don't be talking crap about his lovely bride-to-be. And don't forget to take pictures! You don't want the only memories to be in your head.

If you think your groom needs help with his speech writing, there's a good video over at youtube about it here: groom speeches.

Just to make things easy on you, the best man, here's a checklist of your duties up to and including waving the new Mr. Mrs. out the door on their honeymoon. Cross them off as you complete them, it's that simple.

1. Arrange the bachelor party. Ask the groom who all he wants included, and figure the specifics out from there. If it's a huge number, you may want to just rent a private room and have dinner and drinks.

2. Create and print off a page inclusive of directions and contact information for the guests.

3. Assist the groom in picking your formal wear

4. Organize the ushers. Let them know exactly what's expected of them.

5. Inspect the groomsmen. Make sure no buttons are missing, no pockets are hanging out, nobody has snow on their shoulders, and be prepared to deal with any of these issues if they do arise.

6. Arrange housing for groomsmen arriving from out of town. Do some research to get the best rates. They will be responsible for footing the bill themselves, so make sure it's affordable.

7. Frequently remind the groom to remember the marriage license.

8. Remember that your life depends on the rings being produced at the wedding.

9. Inform everyone of their need to be 30 minutes early on the big day.

10. Sign the marriage license.

11. Handle all appropriate tips and fees for the groom.

12. Give your best man speech. The best ones are known as 'sandwich' speeches, because it is humor sandwiched between a serious opening and closing. When you're done, make a toast to the new Mr. and Mrs.

13. If anyone was unable to attend, and sent well wishes, it is your duty to read them aloud at the reception.

14. Dance with unattended maids and matrons of the wedding party.

15. Oversee the tossing of the bouquet and garter.

16. Arrange for transportation from the reception to the newlywed's next stop (hotel, home, airport).

Don't be shy about making yourself useful and available. If you're already married, you know how stressed the groom is. If you are not, this should give you a pretty good idea of what to expect when it's your turn.

Run things over in your mind. Be prepared for any eventuality. Don't feel too stressed, because the maid of honor is going through the exact same thing. In fact, you two probably should touch base just to make sure that you're not doing twice as much work as you need to be.

It's hard to see, given the list as long as your arm that was just posted, but you should have a good time. Don't drink too much. Aside from the speech, try to squeeze a moment in there somewhere to let the groom know that you're truly happy for him, and it couldn't happen to a nicer guy.

When the time comes, make the announcement and help the bride and groom make a safe, efficient getaway.

If you want to learn even more about giving your speech, see this video about the best man speech here.